


The Morals of a Soldier

by Watermelons000



Series: Angel of Death [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF Tony Stark, Extremis, Female Tony Stark, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Multi, Not Beta Read, Not Clint Friendly, Not Steve Friendly, Not Wanda Friendly, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark-centric, not team Cap friendly, past pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Watermelons000/pseuds/Watermelons000
Summary: Steve ponders over what could have been.





	The Morals of a Soldier

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for all of the wonderful comments on The Morals of a Child! I wasn’t expecting it to take off so well.
> 
> This is once again Steve’s point of view, so it doesn’t actually dwell too much on Toni & Co.’s powers.
> 
> I honestly don’t like this one that much, but several people asked for a part two, so here you go.

Steve sat in the kitchen staring at the spot where Toni had disappeared with Strange. His mind was quarreling with itself as several thoughts fought for his attention at once. Unable to hold them back, they flickered through his brain so fast that he could barely catch the few he did.

_Howard was abusive?_

_Toni was tortured?_

_Toni had kids?_

_Toni was **pregnant**?_

Shaking his head to try to clear it, Steve got up from his chair, breakfast long forgotten. He stumbled towards the door and headed towards the only place he could think straight. 

Unfortunately, the gym was already occupied when he arrived. Bucky twirled amongst holograms, two knives in hand as he engaged them in a deadly dance. He growled as he slashed ones throat and stabbed another through the chest without missing a beat. Steve had no doubt that Buck knew he was there, but he made no move of acknowledgment. 

It wasn’t until the holograms had all been killed that Bucky finally turned to Steve. 

“What do you need?” He asked gruffly, and Steve had to hold back a flinch at the Russian accent tinting the words proving he was more Winter Soldier than his best friend at the moment.

“I-I don’t know,” Steve admitted. “I think I made a big mistake.”

Bucky snorted, flipping his blades up into the air and catching them. “You think?”

Wincing, Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “How did you know it was Toni in the story?”

Stiffening slightly, all of the aggression seemed to drain out of his friend. “I had my suspicions the moment she mentioned Howard.”

”What do you mean?” Steve asked.

”You have to understand, Stevie, that Howard’s abuse was bad. Like, so bad that HYDRA never went after Toni because they were too _scared._ HYDRA, scared.” Buck scoffed. “There should have been no way for her to survive the beatings he dealt out, but she did, and they were terrified of her because of it. Of course, now I know...” he drifted off seemingly lost in thought.

”Howard wouldn’t have done that,” he protested, suddenly itching for a fight.

”Maybe not when you knew him,” Bucky agreed amiably, causing the animosity to evaporate from Steve. “But war changes people. You left, and Howard spent most of his time looking for you. He wanted a son, maybe trying to replace you, maybe because of the political climate, no one knows. But he got Toni, a daughter, and snapped. If it weren’t for the fact that he only ever preyed upon her, HYDRA would have tried to recruit him. As it was, they always had tabs on him.”

”You think that Toni was telling the truth?” Steve inquired incredulously. 

“I don’t think, I know,” he said with a shrug. “I’m the Winter Soldier, I know how to tell when someone is lying, and everything Toni said was true.”

”Even the stuff with Death?” He couldn’t help but sound doubtful.

”Especially the stuff with Death. You know actual gods, the god of thunder for fuck’s sake. Is it really that hard to believe there is a goddess of death?”

“Why wouldn’t Toni have told me any of this?” Steve argued.

”Officially? I don’t know. Off the record, I think she knew that you two wouldn’t last.”

Steve straightened at that. “I have to go talk to her.”

”No,” Buck barked. “You don’t. She’s busy at the moment.”

Frowning, Steve looked at his friend. “Yes, I do. I need to explain myself, show her why I did what I did.”

”No you don’t,” Bucky repeated. “If she wants to see you, that’s her prerogative. But you shouldn’t force her to listen to you.”

”But I-“ Steve began again, when Bucky punched him. Hard. He gasped, raising his hand to feel his jaw.

”No, you really don’t. And I won’t stand by and let you hurt her again, friend or not. Go talk to Rhodes if it’s that important.” With that, he spun on his heel a stalked out of the room, muttering. Steve was pretty sure he heard “Goddamn idiot...pregnant....murderer.”

Slumping, Steve dragged his hands over his face. It was all such a mess. He decided to follow Bucky’s advice and find the one person who probably knew Toni best. With a deep breath, Steve left the gym in search of Rhodey.

*********

Fortunately, Rhodey wasn’t that hard to find. Unfortunately, he wasn’t alone. He was in the common room, sitting at the attached bar with Danvers. They were chatting quietly, watching Steve’s team who were sprawled on the couches trying to decide what movie to watch. A blanket of silence fell over the residents as Steve entered.

It was Rhodey who broke the silence. “So she finally told you?” At Steve’s nod, he continued. “Good. You should know exactly how bad you hurt her.”

Ignoring his team’s questions, Steve rasped out. “Was she really pregnant?”

Rhodey sighed. “So that’s where we’re going with this?” 

“Who was pregnant?” Sam ventured cautiously.

Both men didn’t answer him in favor of engaging in a staring contest. Finally, Steve glanced away a little ashamed. 

Apparently satisfied, Rhodey answered him. “Yeah, she was.” He got up and walked behind the bar with a slight whirring of his braces. He reached for a glass and poured himself a generous amount of whiskey before returning to his seat next to Danvers. The colonel in question gave him a worried look and he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

”She was so excited,” Rhodey began after throwing back some of his drink. “I was there, along with Pep and Happy. She came flying out of that bathroom screaming.” He chuckled bitterly. “We were all so happy for her. She was already making plans.” He shook his head. “She was going to propose to you, you know.”

The revelation smacked Steve in the face. They hadn’t been dating, had they? Sure, they slept together a few times, but Toni was a slut, that’s what she did. Then Steve thought about it deeper. She flirted with him all the time, but she flirted with everybody. But the kisses? He had just assumed that they were just a part of her personality. After all, she kissed Thor on the cheek after every battle, gave Banner a full smack on the lips for every scientific breakthrough. However, now that he focused on it, his kisses were different. There was something else in them. The ever growing pit in his stomach began to feel heavier.

”No, I didn’t,” he said, voice cracking. 

Rhodey sipped his whiskey. “Yep. She was going to reveal the news the evening after Ross came in with the Accords, as a celebration type thing. Then a week later, you two were going to vacation to Malibu, and she would offer you the ring. Built it herself too. Black gold.”

Steve couldn’t help himself. “Like those ones?” He asked gesturing to Rhodey and Danvers’s wrists with the bracelets. Rhodey was either oblivious to his contempt, or just didn’t care. Probably the latter.

”Mmhmm.” He slumped ever so slightly. “She was terrified. She didn’t want to be like Howard, but at the same time, she already raised a few kids and they turned out alright.”

”Wait,” Clint interrupted. “Toni was pregnant?”

Steve pursed his lips. But didn’t say anything.

”If she was pregnant,” Sam ventured. “What happened to the baby?” 

Wanda scoffed. “Does it matter? Toni Stark should never be around children.”

”It matters,” Natasha spoke up, watching the interaction between the two military men carefully. “Because it was Steve’s kid too.”

”Congratulations man,” Clint said. “Not that I approve of the mother, but you would have been an excellent dad.”

”You never answered me,” Sam pointed out. “What happened to the kid?”

”Isn’t it obvious?” Nat asked. “Toni always had an issue with alcohol.”

Rhodey’s head snapped up. Glaring at Steve, he said, “Are you going to correct that way of thinking or will I have too?” When Steve didn’t answer, he shook his head. “Typical. Toni did not lose the kid because she _drank._ The small amount of Extremis she got when she took out the reactor repaired the damage any previous alcohol or drugs had done to her organs, and she had been sober and clean for a whole year before that. No, it wasn’t that. She and her child were murdered.”

”Um, she wouldn’t be here if she died,” Wanda said, as if they were all dumb. “She’s fine.”

”That’s where you’re wrong. She did die. Luckily for you all, we were able to revive her.” Rhodey wrapped his arm protectively around Danvers, who had been silent the entire time, observing with the eyes of a leader.

“How did you manage that?” Clint wondered skeptically.

”Extremis.” Was it Steve’s imagination, or were the shadows around the bar growing more agitated? 

”How do we know that you’re not lying?” Wanda accused. “Stark would use any injury to get sympathy. How can I make sure that you aren’t just following along?”

 Rhodey promptly raised an armored gauntlet covered hand and aimed at Wanda. “Don’t you dare. If you try to mind rape me you will so regret it...” he let the threat trail off.

Natasha turned to Danvers. “Are you really going to sit on this? One of the members of your team just threatened another.”

Danvers blinked slowly, smiling almost smugly. However, her voice still held its chopped military tone. “Normally, no. However, I am on leave this week barring any emergencies.”

Clint muttered something like, “Of course you are.”

“That’s not very professional,” Natasha said. “Taking a break and dating a co-commander.”

”What do you mean?” The colonel asked, creepy grin still on her face. “It is Accords regulation that each member of the team take off at least twenty days a year, for mental health and such. And you didn’t seem to have a problem with Mr. Rogers here dating Ms. Stark before the breakup.”

Against his better judgement, Steve spoke up. “It’s actually Captain Rogers, ma’am. Not mister.” 

Danvers wasn’t even trying to smile anymore. She was simply pleasantly baring her teeth. “Not anymore.”

”Alrighty,” Sam said clapping his hands, and breaking the tense quiet. “So Toni got Extremis. Push that to the side for now. If it wasn’t alcohol or drugs, what happened to Steve’s kid?”

Rhodey seemed annoyed. “ _Toni’s_ child was murdered.”

”How?” Sam beckoned.

“Why don’t you ask your leader here?” Rhodey spat. “Go on, Rogers, tell them what really happened in Siberia.”

Steve looked down under the full force of their gazes.

”Does it matter?” Clint provoked. “Toni went batshit insane and attacked Steve and Bucky. They disabled the suit and left. It’s not like Steve killed his own kid or anything.”

Steve must have made a sound, because every head in the room swirled to stare at him.

”Right?” Clint implored cautiously.

”Disgusting,” Rhodey dismissed. “Toni went to Siberia alone and as a friend to take out the other Winter Soldiers. When she got there however, they were already dead. That wasn’t Zemo’s plan. Instead, he played a video. Care to share with class what that tape was of?”

”...the Winter Soldier’s mission, on December 16th, 1991,” Steve muttered. Then more hesitantly, “The day Howard and Maria Stark were murdered.” His raised his head, eyes wide. “It wasn’t Bucky though! It was HYDRA’s fault! Bucky is innocent!”

”Steve,” Sam said. “You didn’t tell that to Toni. You didn’t. Not while the killer was standing right there.”

Steve didn’t answer.

”That doesn’t explain why she attacked _you,_ ” Natasha prodded. “Unless, of course, you never told her. You _knew,_ Steve. I thought you told her!” She inhaled sharply.

”She could have killed you easily,” Rhodey said. “Flown outside and released any of the four hundred and seventy two missiles in her suit and buried you alive. But instead she punched you, made to slap your precious Bucky, and you lost it. Do you know why she blew Barnes’ arm off? He was reaching for the reactor, the thing that kept her alive and she’s had stolen right out of her chest before. You killed her. A vibranium shield to the heart is no joke. She was dead for eight hours, Rogers. _Eight hours._ We almost couldn’t find her body because you mutilated it so badly and she had crawled out of the suit. Even when Vision finally showed up with Extremis, it wasn’t enough to save the baby. You beat her so roughly, that the fetus, which was protected by a body protected by a suit, was unsalvageable. You left her there to freeze, choke to death on her own blood.” His shoulders were set in anger. “I hope you’re happy.”

“It’s not like she’s innocent,” Wanda snapped. “She deserved it for attacking them!”

“Jesus Christ,” Clint muttered, running his hands through his hair and leaping to his feet. “The hypocrisy. I-I need...” He abruptly raced out of the room.

”I’m just gonna,” Sam pointed at the door Clint went through and followed just as quickly.

Natasha shook her head when Steve looked to her. Silently, she stood up and made her way out.

”Steve did nothing wrong,” Wanda sneered. 

Rhodey gave her an incredulous glance. “He _killed_ Toni.”

”Stark’s killed plenty of other people,” she waved her hand, scarlet jumping between her fingers. 

“Correction, her _weapons_ killed other people, all of them enemies of the US. Stane’s weapons on the other hand were the ones supplied under the table.”

”She murdered my parents!” Wanda shrieked and red mist began revolving around her. It gradually picked up speed until she was surrounded in a vertex of magic.

“Friday, can you please tell the council we tried to be civil, and contact Dr. Strange,” Danvers asked tiredly, leaning her head on Rhodey’s shoulder. There was a terse moment where everything went still, and then a golden circle erupted from the ground under Wanda’s feet. She yelped as she fell through the glowing portal and it snapped shut behind her.

In all honesty, Steve was sort of glad she was gone. Her control was slipping more and more every day and he was becoming fearful for his and Bucky’s safety. Regardless, he had a duty. “Where is she?”

 “Safe,” Rhodey said, and Steve didn’t feel an obligation to ask him to reiterate. 

“Does Toni want more kids?” He asked instead. Maybe there was still hope to salvage this. 

Closing his eyes, Rhodey placed his chin on top of his girlfriend’s head. “Doesn’t matter what she wants, she can’t either way.”

It wasn’t his place to know, but his mouth shot off ahead of his brain. “Why not?” Did Strange have problems? Maybe he could use that to his advantage...

Rhodes nipped that idea in the bud. “Even though Toni stabilized Extremis, it still has side effects. With the dosage we had to give her, it was almost a guarantee that she would suffer from them. The human reproductive system just isn’t hardy enough to deal with the virus, so it goes dormant. Basically, anyone who uses it is sterilized.”

”Oh,” Steve said quietly. “And the arc reactor?”

”Another side effect. Extremis needs a power source.” He opened his eyes when Steve didn’t offer anymore questions. “Is that all, Mr. Rogers?”

Carol softly snorted, and whispered something that sounded suspiciously like, “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood.”

”I suppose so, Colonel.” He didn’t feel the need to pick a fight over titles. In fact, he didn’t feel much of anything. He was numb, more so than when he was frozen in the ice. As he pondered over what more he had just learned, he made up his mind. 

He needed to talk to Toni.

**********

Naturally, he never got the chance. 

Steve waited in the common room all day for Toni to arrive back from her meetings. He heard a portal opening nearby around six in the evening, and not a moment later gentle laughter filtered by his ears. There was a lull in the conversation, when he heard a deep baritone rumbling who he could only assume to be Strange. He stepped forward, intending to march around the corner and explain himself to Toni and convince her that she would be better off taking him back. 

Just before he could get a visual on the pair, he heard a loud tinkling like that of breaking glass. The world fractured around him, making him feel like he was looking through a cracked window. 

“Just what do you think you are doing, Mr. Rogers?” 

Seve spun around , immediately zeroing in on the sorcerer.  “Where are we?”

”Ah-ah,” Strange said. “I asked first. What do you think you are doing?”

Blowing out a puff of agitated air, Steve sighed. “I was going to talk to Toni. Now where are we?”

Strange glance around like he just now realized they weren’t in the real world. “The mirror dimension. Anything that happens in here does not affect the real world, as the two cannot interact.” Steve had a feeling there was a reason he tacked on that last part.

”Why am I here?” 

The doctor waved his hand vaguely. “That’s for me to know, and you to not know.” He flicked his fingers at Steve and the soldier felt something settle behind his vision. He didn’t notice any immediate difference, but he felt off.

With a wink, column of smoke rose from where Strange had been standing. When the smoke cleared, he was on the otherside of the mirror, just in time for Toni to round the corner.

Steve sucked in a sharp breath. Toni was enwreathed by an aura of what seemed like pitch darkness. The inky black was more concentrated around her back, and Steve realized that it was forming a pair of imposing wings, the feathers sleek and breathtaking. Strange was surrounded by green mist that was ever changing around him, swirling and dancing. Steve didn’t know what the auras meant but he figured they had something to do with gifts Toni mentioned in her riddle. That would mean the story was true though, and he didn’t know if he was ready to accept that.

He focused on the woman in question. Her head was bent over her phone, and she was typing faster than Steve could keep up while simultaneously chattering away in French into- an earpiece maybe? There was nothing there that he could see but maybe she had made a smaller one. 

Ignoring Strange’s warning, Steve tried to get her attention. His effort was in vain. He watched futilely as she strolled right up to the sorcerer, tucking herself under his outstretched arm like she had done so her entire life. The man placed a light kiss on top of her head and waited patiently for her to finish her conversation. As she bid her goodbyes, his jacket began to move on it’s own, changing shape and color until it had once again regained it’s form as a flashy red cape. It moved off of it’s master and settled itself upon Toni’s shoulders, mindful of her angelic wings.

She smiled and absentmindedly pet it before looking to Strange. “You’re up to something.” 

“Now why would you think that?” He inquired, bending his head down to nuzzle her nose. 

“Mama knows,” Toni purred. She closed the gap between them and they shared a languid kiss. Steve made a pathetic sound in the back of his throat at the sight, but neither of them seemed to hear.

”Speaking of,” Strange said as they broke away. “There are about six children who have been waiting for you to come home.”

Toni hummed with a dark glint in her eye. ”Stephen Vincent Strange, I don’t know what you are doing, but something’s going on here.” She tapped him on the nose with a finger, perfectly done red nail glinting in the light.

”Maybe I’m just happy to get away from all of those soul sucking politicians, did you ever think about that?”

Toni laughed. “You’re hiding something. I’ll figure it out eventually.” She leaned into his embrace and they made their way to the game and movie room, Steve silently following behind them. 

Upon reaching the door to the entertainment area, Toni threw it open and dramatically exclaimed, “Mama’s home!”

There was a chorus of “Mom!”s and “Aunt Toni!”s and several figures launched themselves at her. Steve was shocked to see Clint’s kids among the group that were trying to dogpile on top of the mechanic. Strange silently slipped through the door, but he didn’t go unnoticed either.

”Hey, Doctor Dad’s here too!” The older kid with curly brown hair and an orange atmosphere bounced up and drew everyone’s attention to Strange. Steve had the fleeting thought that they looked like a pack of hyenas, before he pushed it away. He was more interested in the fact that the other children, barring the orange one and a yellow one, had a haze around them that was similar to Toni’s.

One of the younger kids who looked kind of like familiar ran up to the sorcerer and tossed her arm up. Unwilling to disappoint, Strange picked her up and sat her on his hip, their gifts reaching out towards each other.  “Hey Cassie.”

No wonder she reminded him of Scott. Wasn’t Cassie the name of his kid? Why did Toni have Scott’s child though? 

Somehow the two adults managed to wrangle the kids to one of the couches. Everyone settled in practically on top of each other. The kid with sandy blonde hair and a pleasant yellow aura that Steve caught being referred to as ‘Harley’ was sitting on Toni’s left. The orange misted teen, newly dubbed ‘Peter’, was behind her on the back of the couch, and Lila was on her right in between the couple. Strange had Cassie in his lap and Cooper on his unoccupied side, and finally Nathaniel was perched on Toni’s chest.

Steve’s mind started to dissociate from his body as he watched the domestic scene before him. _This could have been mine._ He could have been the one helping Toni manuever Nathaniel so that the toddler could nap, or throw in his two cents on what movie to watch. He could almost imagine being in Strange’s place, holding his newborn child with it’s fathers blue eyes and mother’s curly black hair. 

Some of the other adults made their way in a bit later, Pepper curling up next to a man Steve vaguely recalled Toni calling ‘Happy’. He had a calming grey haze around him that mingled lazily with the flickering wispy flames framing the red head. Danvers and Rhodes, who was now surrounded by an ever shifting darkness, claimed a love seat. Another lady Peter called ‘Aunt May’ was sitting next to Laura at Toni’s feet, the three women chatting softly in Italian. Even Deadpool came in at one point in time, throwing himself on the ground by the girls and braiding their hair while joining the conversation. Steve wanted nothing more than to be a part of the family before him.

Except it was too late now, he realized. Toni kissed Strange again, ring on her left hand that rested upon Nathaniel’s back glinting and dark wings extended to wrap around the room’s inhabitants. She was truly happy and didn’t even seem to be giving Steve a second of her time. She didn’t care about him anymore. She moved on with her life, without him, just like Peggy had. He waited too long once again; it seemed he would never learn.

 

Steve had another thought.

 

_Was it really worth it?_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked! Hit me up on Tumblr @Watermelons000
> 
> Please no comments of a critiquing nature!


End file.
